Long Distance Relationship Boredom: How to Spice It Up Again

Has your long distance love lost its sizzle? If you’re in a long distance relationship boredom slump, these tips can help overcome the miles.

Long Distance Relationship Boredom

I’m feeling tired but i dunno how to tell him… i feel like our conversation is dry and everyday I’ll be asking him the same question… how did he sleep…how was his day…how was his work… anything new… sigh. We’re in a long distant r/s and we just got together 3 months ago. We met online beginning this yr and met up face to face in May. Since then we haven’t seen each other. It’s just been a lot of msn and phone conversation… I feel like we have nothing to talk…even when we go out in May… and sometimes when I’m telling him something, he doesn’t seem interested or paying attention??…And from what I hear thru the phone, he seems bored. And he said I am not interested in his conversation. I felt that I really did listen but from what he saw in the web cam…he says I didn’t. I feel terrible. It’s like I’m being watched and I don’t wanna put up an act and be all attentive. I just wanna relax, surf the net and listen to him as we Skype at the same time. Is that not ok?

I know he loves me very much, I do, but the thing that bothers me is that our conversation just some to a standstill and it is torturing to me. I don’t wanna pretend like that is not a problem or it doesn’t bothers me… it does… Is there any way for us to improve this? Is us being away from each other a big factor to the dry conversation?

This whole silent in conversation really makes me contemplate to whether or not I should fly and go visit and stay with him for 3 months… it scares me… I just don’t want to have that awkwardness… we probably would be so into each other physically for the first month (sigh – I actually find that deceiving emotionally) and then when we come back down to earth… will the conversation be the same?

What should I do… any hope?

Drowning

Michelle says…

I feel that Frank and I will suggest similar things, so to avoid redundancy, I’ll answer the question, and Frank will supplement it.

In long distance relationships, conversation can tend to get a bit dry. In long distance relationships the main way to interact is to communicate over the phone or online. Unlike “short” distance relationship couples, we’re lacking physical closeness, which makes silence more comfortable when you’re together. If you think about it, is it more comfortable to be quiet while cuddling on the couch and watching TV with your partner, or watching each other silently on webcams? It’s a no-brainer that second scenario is bit more awkward.

Also in long distance relationships, since talking (whether over the phone or instant messaging) is the main way to interact with one another, you may actually feel you’ve run out of things to say to one another, except for conversation about day to day life. There’s the feeling you may have exhausted every conversation topic.

Frank and I have been in this similar situation before, so we can relate to what you’re feeling.

Here are some things you may wish to try before you decide to give up.

Instead of solely talking, try to find something you can do together. Watch a TV show or movie simultaneously or play an online game. It allows you to not stress so much over trying to make conversation. It may also create new topics of conversation.

There are also books and websites out there with questions for couples to ask each other. Here is an example: 100 Questions.

You’ve only been together for three months so don’t think that there’s nothing left to talk about. You just haven’t asked the right questions yet. Have fun with a list of questions and take turns asking each other the questions.

To answer your question about whether or not it’s okay to do things on the side online while you’re on Skype… I think it’s okay, but only to a point. Frank and I both surf the net while we’re talking to one another online. We often share things we find when we surf the net too. Obviously you don’t want to be ignoring your boyfriend while you’re doing things online, so if you catch yourself missing things he has said, you have to stop what you’re doing and pay more attention. It sounds as though he may be doing other things when you’re talking as well since you don’t feel that he is always paying attention to what you’re saying. This is probably due to the lack of interesting conversation, but he should pay more attention as well.

There has to be time where you totally focus on one another and nothing else. Frank and I surf the net while we’re on the webcam and instant messaging, but when we talk on the phone we avoid distraction and stay off the computer and focus on each other.

Obviously long distance relationships take quite a bit of effort… so if you want this to work out, you’re going to have to actually put effort into making good conversation but also figuring out ways to do things together so you don’t stress about conversation.

Also, don’t be afraid to confront your boyfriend with these problems. Openly talk about it. Figure out what he’s doing that makes him look like he’s not paying attention. Confess that you do surf the net while you talk. Before you can work on your communication problem you both have to recognize there is one and admit it to each other.

How to spice up a long distance relationship

If you believe in the love you share with your partner, distance is a mere obstacle. Here is where the work comes in! These seven long distance relationship ideas can be used to show your love for them and keep the love strong.

#1 Surprise visit. Okay, this could be a bad idea, as I flashback to every 90’s chick flick. Make sure this isn’t a week long relationship, where you show up and see something you shouldn’t *flashback to Bring It On*. That being said, who doesn’t like a surprise? Especially when it’s their boyfriend or girlfriend showing up at their front door.

But, instead of the front door surprise idea, try showing up at the movie theater they’re at, or the restaurant they’re grabbing a bite to eat. Get creative with your surprise spot. 

#2 Love letters. Some people consider this a lame idea, but that just means they’re not in tune with themselves. It’s easy to send a text or email, but it doesn’t have the personal flair a love letter brings. There’s nothing more romantic than seeing your lover’s handwriting in your mailbox.

Sure, still send texts for quick and cute messages. However, with a love letter, you have something to hold onto and look back at when you’re older. This long distance relationship idea isn’t just for those who want to break out the Shakespearian quotes, your letters can be full of jokes, pictures, daily life stuff. It doesn’t have to be serious. 

#3 Naughty pictures. This is my favorite. You don’t have to send full-out nudes, send a picture of your collarbone, legs, lips—whatever their favorite part of you is. I’m not completely opposed to the idea of sending nudes, but I’m just saying, you don’t have to do that to get a reaction from your partner. Trust me, they’ll love whatever you send them.

If you trust your partner, then freely send your partner nudes. I haven’t taken that step yet, because I’m slightly paranoid about the internet.

If you’re slightly paranoid but want to send a picture, make an agreement with them to delete the pictures after you send them. Or, download an app which automatically deletes the image after they open it—thank goodness for technology.

Before sending them a picture of you, write them a flirty message saying, “Are you alone?” This gets them going, and trust me, they’ll make sure they’re alone within seconds.

#4 Romantic dinner. Just because you’re not in the same place as them, doesn’t mean you guys can’t have dinner together. We’re in the age of the technology, people! Get your dinner on the stove, cook it up, and power on Skype. You don’t have to make this a daily event, but creating a date night allows you a great way to reconnect and share some quality time with your partner.

Just make sure you have a strong internet connection. I usually flew into a rage when my Skype froze during my date nights with my boyfriend. A great way to spend the night—staring at a semi-frozen screen. Date nights are a great opportunity to get yourself dressed up and share an intimate time with your partner over a bottle of wine. 

#5 Care package. A care package doesn’t mean sending them diapers for the elderly. It’s more modern than that. I know shipping can be expensive, so, if you have the opportunity to spend a couple extra dollars on your partner, make them a care package.

It’s a great way to show them you’re thinking of them. My boyfriend didn’t send me a single thing, but let’s move on, I’m not bitter anymore.

Your care package can be full of fun and random things but also very useful. Don’t run to the dollar store and buy them a bunch of plastic trinkets that are only useful if being shoved in a piñata. If you remember them complaining about their hands being cold, send them a pair of gloves. It’s things like these that show you care and listen *insert melodramatic music here*.

#6 Create a blog together. Those who blog together, stay together, as they say. If you both have a flair for writing, why not create a blog together about your long distance relationship. This shows you a different side of your partner and what they’re feeling.

Not only that, why not connect with other people who are going through the same thing? This way, you’ll be able to not only bond with your partner, but perhaps help others who experience the same long distance relationship pain as you. Maybe you’ll even get a movie deal out of it… I know, I know, I’m getting a little ahead of myself. But… Hollywood. 

#7 Don’t overdo it with communication. I know communication is absolutely essential for long distance relationships, but, there is something called excessive communication. Okay, I made up that phrase, but it happens.

If you’re Skyping every day, there will come a time where you run out of things to say, or feel the spark isn’t as strong as it once was. Talking everyday is completely fine, but long Skype sessions should be saved for your weekly date nights. 

I spoke to my boyfriend every day on Skype. We’d have hour long conversations, sometimes even two or three hours, but at one point, they dwindled down to fifteen minute conversations. It was too much. The guy knew when I peed and he wasn’t even on the same continent.

Space isn’t a bad thing, in fact, you’re in a long distance relationship so you actually know the benefits of personal space. So, keep the communication strong, but don’t suffocate your relationship.